Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Time for ME

well Ladies and Gentleman....
It's officially happening....I'm taking a break.....I'm turning off my phone, and I'm retreating for a few days.

Come Thursday by Lunch time I hope to officially be off for a few days. I'm planning on reading a lot. Sleeping a lot. Thinking a lot. Praying a lot. Laughing a lot.....and RELAXING A LOT.

This past month has been one of the most exhausting and emotionally draining months of my life. The Upward Basketball Season at church, which was AWESOME, but required me to be at the church at 7:30am every Saturday for the past 6 weeks, just came to a close last night. And I have injured myself not once but TWICE in the past few weeks resulting in this hideous boot up to my knee for the next 3-6 weeks. And on top of that a stomach bug and sinus infection...WHEW....I think my body is in SHUT DOWN mode if I don't do something about it.

I've been exhausted every day when I wake up...it's like I can't get enough sleep. But I also haven't been exercising like I was. Well..this morning I worked out with Rose...I use the term "work out" loosely as it was a little difficult with this boot....but the point was that I did something. I sat on the exercise ball and did arm exercising with weights, while having to use my core to balance, and did crunches as well. It wasn't a hard workout at all, but I did feel better after wards just by doing something.

The other day when I was sick I laid in bed and watched a new DVD I picked up. I don't know how many of you have heard of the the TV show "Ruby". It's about a woman who was close to 500 pounds who lives in Savannah, GA who decided to get serious about her health. I had heard about it, but without cable, haven't been able to watch it. Her DVD, "The First 100 pounds" was on sale at Lifeway Christian so I picked it up and watched the 170 minute DVD in one sitting. I laughed, I cried, I dreamed, I got angry at people in her life, I reminisced about Savannah......but more than anything, I was encouraged to do something.

When Ruby first started, she wasn't able to hardly walk on the treadmill..... and I have no idea where she is now in her weight loss journey, but I feel pretty certain she is close to her goal. It just took her deciding that she was going to do SOMETHING....So....on days like today and in the days to come when its easy to make excuses for why I can't do anything...my goal is to do SOMETHING....

will the weight come off as fast? No
Will I possibly gain some weight back? possibly
Will it be the end of the world if i do? No
Is something better than nothing? yes

So if you are someone who is making excuses or thinks a major diet or work out plan is just too much, I'm going to challenge you along with myself to do SOMETHING. Even a small step or change is progress.


So....give me some good movie or book ideas for my time off. And if you can't reach me....don't get bent out of shape. Leave a message or send an email. I'll be better for it when I'm back among the living :)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

This Journey is My own

Now...don't be thrown off by the title...I'm not saying I don't need or want other people on this journey with me. But its kind of a theme in my life lately. Breaking out of the need to please everyone else and focus a little on me. It's really hard for a people pleaser to be selfish.

One of my favorite singers is Sara Groves: She has a song called, "This Journey is My Own"

When I stand before the Lord, I’ll be standing alone
This journey is my own
Still I want man’s advice, and I need man’s approval
This journey is my own

Why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
What does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

So much of what I do is to make a good impression
This journey is my own
And so much of what I say is to make myself look better
But this journey is my own

And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

And I have never felt relief like I feel it right now
This journey is my own
Cuz trying to please the world, it was breaking me down
It was breaking me down

And now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Cuz I know this journey is my own

And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life
And you can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain
I can’t even judge myself, only the Lord can say, ‘Well done.’

Oh, this journey is my own


This song has been constantly running through my head the past week.

I know I have not been around as much as I was. Not posting everyday. There will be a time where I will get back into that routine. The past couple of weeks have been some of those "monumental" life moments kind of weeks. I feel like life NEVER slows down. Some people prefer it that way...not me. Trying to find the balance to work, social, personal life has proven to be difficult for me lately. Not to mention my divorce being filed a few days ago, trying to sort through things, friends visiting (which I have loved), Upward Season Coming to a close, and on top of it being diagnosed with a sinus infection today which has me feeling wiped out.

So many of you have emailed me and told me what the blogs have meant to you to have on a daily basis. I hope to be able to provide that again. In the meantime...thank you for encouraging me on the hard days when its easier to give up. Reading about so many of you losing weight and hitting the gym on a consistent basis, does challenge me.

So...I pose this question because I need it right now...
What are your favorite stress relievers? Any suggestions on how to relax in the midst of craziness?

Love you all. Keep truckin, and I'll be running back along side of you shortly.

Morgan

Thursday, February 11, 2010

From the Top

"From the Top"....those are words that I usually mock and hate when doing any of Jillian Michaels work out videos. Just when you think there is light at the end of the tunnel....those three grueling words come out of her mouth..."From the Top."

In my case, my use of the words is a welcomed relief. For me, it means to re-evaluate, begin again.
I've done well with my weight loss so far, but the past week I've really started to feel burnt out. I think a great effort was made and a good dent was put into getting a head start...but after working out for almost and hour a day and feeling like I was dying after every one....and feeling really restricted on what I could eat...I've decided to revamp my program.

So...here is my plan:
Monday, Wednesday, Friday: I'll do a video at home or go for a walk, ride the bike, etc.  Today I did Richards Simmons Dance Your Pants Off...I laughed at how ridiculous it was, but it was the perfect one hour work out and was low impact and didn't make me "hurt" but i felt like i got my heart rate up.

Tuesday, Thursday: I'm all Rose's. I need Rose to push me when it comes to more of the work with weights. It's not something I'm not disciplined enough to do myself.

I feel like the balance between the two will keep me on track for the long run.

Food:
I've decided I really want to try Weight Watchers. I have some friends who are doing it and doing well with it. I did it a few years ago and did well with it. I was pretty strict with what I ate the first few weeks, but I was eating ZERO bread and thats just not possible for me. To cut out everything and say...I cant have this or that just doesnt work with me because I obsess about it until I have it. My goal is to find "healthier ways" of cooking things that I crave. I think over time doing this will have curb the cravings and teach me how to eat right and still enjoy eating rather than dread eating one more chicken breast with green beans.



The re-vamping was not my biggest hurdle.....my biggest hurdle was finding my voice. See...I'm a people pleaser by nature. Always have been. I've always cared more about what other people thought about me or thought I should do rather than what I knew was best for me. This has been an issue in every area of my life leading to the downfall of putting myself first sometimes and standing up for me.

I have been stressed to the max because I was afraid Rose or Dr. B or someone else would be upset with me for this decision. I didn't want people to think I was ungrateful or a quitter. I didn't want people to think I wasn't serious or was wasting their time. This is no reflection on them because Rose was extremely understanding and supportive. I had nothing to worry about. It was all my ideas worked up.  But ultimately in the end, I know my body better than anyone else. I know my limits, and I know what I have to do to make lifelong changes. No one else can tell me what I can/can not do. They can only make suggestions.


Are there situations or issues in your life that you know are not healthy or best for you but you care too much what other people think to do anything about them? Or maybe its the opposite. Maybe you are doing something really great and YOU know it, but other people around you would not agree. I don't know which one is harder. To live under the pressure not to change or to follow your heart and do whats best for you having confidence that it's right.

I guess I'm challenging everyone to find their voice. Speak up for yourself. Don't let anyone else dictate what you need to do or who you are. Listen and accept the advice of others...they may have a point.....but filter it and figure out what pieces you need to hold on to and what you need to let go.

I'm not really weighing in this week....I checked it....but not on Rose's scale and since thats the one I'm really using most now, I want to wait before I post anything. Kind of at a stand still. Been another stressful week and I'm trying not to get caught up in the day to day as much as the the big over all long term picture.

Thanks for hanging in there with me and thanks to those of you who have checked up on me.
Love, Morgan

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Do you ever want to give up?

I'm having that kind of week.
This isn't one of those posts begging for encouragement. I'm just being raw and real.

This past week has been pretty crazy for me. It's out on facebook, so it might as well be out on my blog.
My husband Jason and I are getting a divorce. Actually, it will probably be filed tomorrow, my wedding anniverary, of all days...ironic huh?  While we both have come to a mutual understanding of this and are at peace and cordial, however, it can't help but dredge up ALOT of suppresed emotions even going back to my parents divorce...

In comes Emotional Eating 101.

I didn't go off the deep end or anything, but I constantly found myself wanting to put food in my mouth. It didn't matter if I was hungry...the emotions drove me to want to eat.  Having been on the new lifestyle journey for almost a month now, I knew that this wasnt typical of me and it really made me have to come face to face with the fact that....

"Hi, my name is Morgan, and part of the reason I am as heavy as I am is because I eat my emotions."

Now...I'm not the girl to get the bon bons and sit and cry and watch a sappy movie....its just the little things here and there that ALL ADD UP.

Monday was my day off and I was determined to spend it at  home. I needed to rest. I needed to start sorting through things and packing Jason's stuff up. I did not expect to open a box filled with wedding cards and little pictures my friend stephanies class had drawn for me before my wedding day......my inital reaction?...."i really want to order a pizza and eat the whole thing."

Thankfully, that morning, I had cooked a container full of chicken breasts and a container full of green beans. I had them ready to go.....so I passed the urge for the pizza and ate the healthy stuff. It went a long way in showing me how much preparation plays into making healthy choices.

I didn't want to work out today, but Rose made me. It's day like today where I want to hate her, but I can't. I love her. She has my best interest at heart...and she pushes me on days like today when I just want to quit.

So....all of that to say...given my week....if I can do this....you can do this. Let's keep putting one foot in front of the other....together.

Love, Morgan