Friday, January 29, 2010

I HATE Scales...

Well....it is with much embarrassment I have to report that I think the hospital scale that I've been weighing on is MESSED UP.  I weighed 14 pounds less last week..but then at another doctors office weighed more.
Then today I weighed twice and was at 315 (only a one pound gain)..not surprised this week. But when the doc came in and we weighed me again we got 323....which is 9 pounds up..(which i dont think is possible).

SO....I'm starting with a new weight today of 321.4.
This is what I weighed at Rose's house on her Biggest Loser Digital Scale, and it is the one I'll be consistently weighing on from now on.

Kind of had a rough week.... physically and emotionally drained.
Made some good decisions, made some bad decisions....it all comes out in the wash right?

Here's some thoughts for the week:

I'm not a fan of the protein shakes and have only been able to do them twice a day for one day this week. I'm just so hungry. Gotta get used to it.

I hate piloxing...but I love yoga.

Sister Schubert Rolls are my weakness.

I have a new love for fish dinners...salmon, tilapia, etc.

I actually like string beans when I cook them fresh myself.

Someone came up with a great tshirt for me...Less is "Mo" (who wants one? ) lol

I love Rose. She is my godsend through all of this.

I'm a new part of  the Wise family. I was eating dinner there last night and Rose was telling one of her children to behave because they had company...and little Mack Mack said, "She's not company....she's family...like a half cousin." :) Highlight of my week.

I'm going to have bad days.

I'm going to have to keep working out even when I don't want to because the bad days get easier when you do.

A cup of ice and a packet of splenda in the blender make protein drinks 100% better.

I love Luverne, AL, and all of the people here.

God knows exactly what I need, when I need it, and is faithful to provide for my every need.


Sorry for the scatterbrainess of this post..welcome to my mind today. :)

Love, Morgan

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Off the Wagon and Back on Again

Sorry again for the delay in posting.
This past week has probably been one of the hardest weeks emotionally in my life. Lots going on which I'll get into at a later time. At any rate....I haven't felt like doing much of anything. That and the fact that I was dealing with a hurt knee and ankle last week and this week I managed to pinch a nerve in my back.

I also have been a little more relaxed with my food than normal. But I'm turning over a new leaf today.

I did a Piloxing? video on Monday and at one point just ended up crying. I was so overwhelmed with life and frustrated with my injuries that I just had a little pity party and thought..."Morgan...why did you let yourself get this fat?!?!?" It only lasted for a few minutes. But I guess it was just one of those moments that needed to happen to get it out of my system.

Everyone asks me what I eat and I'll try to start giving you some sample menus, but I wanted to share one of my favorite meals so far with you. Last night I cooked a chicken breast with some sodium free ginger teriyaki sauce..chopped it up and put it on a bed of spinach, fresh mushrooms, a piece of string cheese cut up, 2 pieces of crumbled bacon, and Ken's Lite Accent Asian Vinegarette for 388 calories. I LOVED it. Here' is a pic...not the greatest presentation:



And for dessert, my favorite: Sugar Free Jello with chopped pecans, blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries...yum!





That would be a somewhat typical meal for me.


Today, I drank a protein drink for  breakfast. I just can't seem to make myself do it 2 times a day yet....ugh...nasty. And then I worked out for an hour and twenty minutes. We did 30 minutes of the Biggest Loser Jumpstart, and 50 minutes of the Biggest Loser Yoga. This was the first time I've tried to do yoga. I always thought "big people can do that."....but I was wrong. I modified alot of the stuff on the floor and used the big exercise ball since my back hurt. I think it's actually something I'll TRY to do more often. The ball forces me to strengthen my core, which is what I need.

After we finished exercising, I asked Rose to check my measurements again because I haven't since Dr. B measure me ..which would be 2 weeks ago tomorrow. Here were the results:

Starting Measurements:            Current Measurements: 
Neck: 15                                     Neck: 15
Chest: 46                                    Chest: 44
Bicepts: L - 20.25  R - 19.75       Bicepts: L-18.25  R - 19
Waist: 42                                    Waist: 40.75
Wrist: : L - 6.75  R - 6.75            Wrist: L - 6.5  R - 6.5
Hips: 65                                       Hips: 63
Thigh: L-39.5, R  - 39.5               Thighs: L - 37.25 R - 37.25


So if my math is right, which is all know is a joke...that would make it a loss of 12.5 inches in 2 weeks! :)

Thank goodness I'm seeing some results. I'm working on moving this to a .com website so stay tuned!!!

Thanks for following me:)

Morgan

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Miracles still happen...

Because.....I lost 14 pounds in one week. Shocked? Yes....so am I.
Last week when I weighed in at the hospital I was 328. On Friday morning, I was 314.
I stepped on the scale and had to call Rose over to make sure I was seeing it correctly.

I have no idea how this happened. I went to New Orleans last weekend and gave myself a free day. Had half of a fried crawfish poboy and a couple of drinks. Then twisted my ankle and wasnt able to really push myself through exercise. Ive had some major life stresses going on and thought for sure the combination of all of it would have set me back. Apparently...it jolted my system.

So...with the fourteen pounds.....that puts me at losing a total of 24 pounds in 19 days.

I promise you I'm not starving myself. I promise you I'm not an exercise fanatic (ask Rose). And I promise you I'm not taking diet pills. I guess I've just found a combination that my body likes.

It's been a really long weekend so far so I'm not gonna type alot tonight. Just wanted to give everyone an update. I've been meaning to keep it updated daily, but like I said...there's been alot going on.  Keep me in your prayers. I've been a little emotional lately and it's hard not to just reach straight for the "Comfort" food.

I have gotten some great emails, texts, and phone calls this week from people who told me about their successes and my inspiration. I'm so very honored that you consider me an inspiration. I will always try to live up to that.

Oh...one more thing. When I was at the Dr's on Friday. I told her that I had decided NOT to do the protein drinks. I didn't feel like with the weight I was losing that it was really necessary. She agreed and I thought all was well. Not so lucky....she then looked over my blood work results.  Everything looked normal and fine except for my insulin level. It was extremely borderline. With that information she leveled with me and told me that she really wanted me to do the protein drinks to try and get my insulin levels back down...not for weight loss. She said for me to look at it as a prescription that I needed to take to help me. When she put it that way...it was a lot easier to swallow. I only commited to doing it a month for breakfast and lunch, with snacks and dinner being what I'm already eating. We will test my level again in one month and go from there.

Grandparents on both sides were diabetic and its something I really want to take seriously and deal with.

On a totally different subject....I am setting a goal for myself. I want to run a 5k in September. So if any of you would like to go ahead and pencil that in on your calendar...that would be fabulous. Luverne, AL is home of the world's largest peanut boil. Normally that consists of a big metal shed with lots of boiling pots under it. Well this year they are turning it into a festival and my pastor Ken Jackson is organizing a Peanut Festival 5k run/walk. My friend Brian and I were making a bucket list the other day and on it I said I wanted to complete a marathon in my life time. So...this is my first step. I'm totally excited about it.

So mark your calendars for labor day weekend 2010. :)

Taking one step at a time,
Morgan

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Shrinking and Growing.

Sorry its been a few days since I've typed out an entry. Saturday was busy with our first Upward Basketball Game and then I hit the road for a couple of days to visit family and friends.  It was a GREAT weekend :)

In preparation for my trip, I was trying on different outfits and stuff just to see if anything fit that didn't fit before and low and behold. A jacket that was too tight on me a month ago, is now too baggy. And my jeans were way too baggy. So I rewarded myself by going to Cato and getting a new pair of jeans and a new top.  The jeans were ONE SIZE SMALLER :) I can't remember the last time I went DOWN in sizing. I was at my peak and at the largest size I could buy in the store prior to two weeks ago.

The particular outfit I bought really looks good. I FEEL like a million bucks in it. Makes me look like I have a really small waist. When I tried it on for my friends they were jaw dropped:) It is so nice to put on clothes and notice where the fat roll isn't bulging rather than trying to disguise it. I know I'm rambling, but this one thing was SUCH encouragement for me. I could feel and SEE the results.

I allowed myself one night to cheat on my trip. But I felt like I had a good enough handle on what I was doing to allow it. And I didn't want to undo what I had done so it wasn't even that bad. I did take a little spill one day though and twisted my ankle and hurt my knee so I'm in a good bit of pain and wondering how this will affect my working out for a few days. But I'm hoping as long as I'm making good food choices, it wont hurt me.

SO...today I went to get my blood work done for the doctor and stepped on the scales and I am ESTATIC to report that I have lost 14 pounds in 2 weeks!!!!  People have asked what the secret is....and the answer is....: hard work. I haven't done anything unnatural so far. I've been recording what I eat and exercising. I have a new appreciation for spices and how they can enhance otherwise bland food.

So...the title.."Shrinking and Growing"....I've talked alot about how this is an emotional and spiritual journey as well and as weird as this is...as I lose myself, I'm finding myself. I'm starting to realize why I've done some of the things I've done, and why I've believed some of the things I believed, and it boils down to not loving myself or thinking of myself enough to want, expect, and accept God's best for my life.  I kind of feel like I have a new voice. The "hey morgan....you can do this" voice of encouragement in my head is no longer on  mute. I don't feel like I have to cower down....but can really stand on my own two feet and speak with confidence. I've always been pretty confrontational, but yet there are definitely times where my "people pleasing" gets the best of me lol.

I find myself smiling more and really appreciating looking people in the eyes. I'm not ashamed of who I am.
Amazing how 14 pounds and a few weeks of focus can really unleash a powerful thing in my life.

Hey....ladies...(and gents).....Today I want you to hold your head high, and look life in the eyes. Be confident. You can do whatever task lies before you. Be diligent. Pray for strength. And take the first step.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Weigh-In and Bittersweet Day

OK...so all you men out there reading this....prepare yourself...this is gonna be one of those emotional girly post. It's also going to be long....but hear me out please. So....the good news is that I'm down 10 pounds from where I was last Monday. This is a huge accomplishment. I didn't do anything but eat healthy and exercise every day. I feel like a new person already. Even though I'm tired, I feel like I have more energy. I can feel muscles developing in places where I didn't know they existed. Over all - success.

Today I met with the weight loss doctor. This is a friend of Rose's and she was willing to see me. I know I can do this on my own, but I do think it's smart to be under the supervision of a doctor. There are so many factors to  consider. Not just weight loss, but blood pressure, insulin levels, etc. I currently am on blood pressure medication and it was a little elevated today (143/87 I think, when I went in.)

Here are the measurements so you can see the differences from time to time:
Neck  - 15
Chest - 46
Bicepts - L - 20 1/4   R - 19 3/4
Waist - 42
Wrist - L - 6 3/4    R - 6 3/4
Hips - 65

I hate these numbers...BMI was too high,  the machine wouldn't read it....she took pictures facing front and to the side so i could visually see the differences over time.

Then came the kicker. She wants to put me on a strict diet for a month. Which consists of a protein drink from breakfast and lunch, 2 healthy snacks per day, and a healthy snack at dinner. I'll get one day on the weekend where I can have whatever I want. It is all natural. A protein that releases over time, it will help regulate some of my levels because with my high blood pressure right now.....even though I'm eating healthy, I'm still getting too much sodium.

So...I had my first melt down. The doctor walked out and I started crying. 1 meal a day? I'll be getting all of the nutrients my body needs through the protein drink but one actual meal? The more I've thought about it....it's not so much the plan that bothers me, because I know it is under a doctors care and what I need to do to get my body healthy....I think it's the emotional attachment I have to food.  I was thinking......gosh I've been eating right and exercising and I lost 10 pounds and it almost feels like punishment to go to a different plan.
But I've got to be willing to try it because while I may see physical changes, I have no idea what is going on inside of my body. I need all my levels to be healthy as well. And its temporary. For now...one month. I'm having this on going battle with myself because I said I didn't want to do ANYTHING like that.....and now I'm having to ask myself....."Morgan...what is best for your body? Do you trust the doctors or are you just being stubborn?"

Then she told me the safe thing for me is to lose 1-2 pounds per week, but I can lose UP to 4. She said really the healthiest way is to lose about 10% of your weight in a year......well for me I was thinking, well dang...that will put me just under 300 in one year....and then only to 270 the next year.... But I think because of the amount I have to lose and the fact that I'm exercising anywhere from 1-2 hours a day....my results may be higher. I'm not gonna worry about it if I'm making healthy choices and the weight is coming off.

So...I cried, and then later I cried again.....It is SUCH an emotional shift more than anything. I can change what I eat, the exercises I do, but at the end of the day....I'm really changing the inside. The thought process, the emotional attachments...unlocking things tucked inside and having to deal with them. That part is NOT fun...but something that I have to do.

For those of us who have a food addiction.......food no longer is just something that nourishes and fuels our body. It becomes the focus of our days, our activities, our emotions. When that is threatened...It almost spirals us out of control internally.

Example:

You know that your car needs gas to run. You know at a certain point you have to fill it back up again for it to do it's job. What if you obsessed about it and every time you ran and errand...you had to go back to the gas station and fill it back to the top immediately. Seeing the gas light on would freak you out because you've never done that before....

I've seen the gas light come on today. I'm trying to reverse every natural action in my head with regards to food.
It doesn't have to be just food. People do it with relationships to. Whatever is taking the place of meeting your emotional needs...it could be ANYTHING....Tv, sports, exercising. We can all get fixated on other things....

So...I'm claiming this verse that Rose sent to me yesterday...it's going to be my mantra through this journey:

Hebrews 21:1 - "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles us and let us run with PERSEVERANCE the race marked for us" 

Thank you for being my great cloud on this journey. I think if I didn't have the support and accountability of so many people, today would be the day I just said "screw it" I'm going to McDonalds.....but I'm not...because its exactly the mentality that got me here in the first place. 

Running the Race, 
Morgan

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Who Cut in on You?

This past Sunday I gave the Youth Sunday School lesson on setting goals. (I know..super creative in the new year...) At any rate. We were talking about the scripture in Philippians that says, "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14) Always a good verse to think about and live..... but there's another part of this theme that I want to spend a minute blogging about today....

Here is what Galatians 5: 5-7 says: (You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?  That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you. "A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough."  I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view. The one who is throwing you into confusion will pay the penalty, whoever he may be.)

Just a few thoughts:
1. Identify the problem: Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? And in this sense I want to talk about the truth about who you are. I truly believe that Satan roams this earth and uses whatever person or object he can find to feed you lies about yourself. Was there a time in your life that someone told you that you weren't good enough? Or pretty enough? Or fast enough? Maybe they told you'd already screwed up too much ...so what was the point in even trying to do the right thing? Maybe it was a advertisement, magazine, etc.... Maybe it was your own mind...self doubt....fear...


2. Identify the Truth: That kind of persuasion does NOT come from the one who calls you.
If those are the thoughts you have been thinking or feeling......THEY ARE A LIE.
The "One = Christ" who calls you....thinks you are AMAZING. WONDERFUL. TALENTED. LOVED. CREATIVE. GOOD ENOUGH. EQUPPED...for the things that HE has created you and called you to do.
Any thing opposite of that is NOT of God.

3. Step out of slavery and bondage and start walking in freedom
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1
Whatever lies you are believing about yourself are like a yoke around your neck...weighing them down.
It is a concious decision to take the first step on your walk of freedom. You CAN do it. YOU DO HAVE WHAT IS WITHIN YOU to accomplish your goals.

Keep your eye on the prize...and trust God to give you strength and courage for each step.
Walking with you,
Morgan

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Digging Deep

Wow.....I only THOUGHT I had worked out until today.....I can honestly say today KICKED MY BUTT....
and I can only imagine what the biggest loser contestants go through with Jillian....SHE IS HARD CORE...

I did not get up and walk with Ms. Ellen this morning. I need to call and apologize. I haven't been sleeping very well and I was exhausted after my 3 exercise times yesterday...but I did meet up with Rose at 8. We read a devotional she had been emailed...it was great...timely.

And then we did what I will coin as the MOTHER OF ALL WORKOUTS.....


Now...I'm thinking this is a stand alone work out. 3 Levels of intensity, but 20 minutes a piece. She even talks about how you're cramming about an hour worth of cardio into 20 minutes..... I think I literally died for about 10 seconds at the end of this....I could have drifted off to sleep laying on the floor from exhaustion...and then Rose says...."OK...that was a good warm up..." and proceeded to put in:

We did about 25 minutes of the cardi on here.....I was begging Rose for a cool down by the end.... Rose will think I'm being dramatic...lol, but I'm telling you....WOW......

I did have a point of progress though...it encouraged me.  The first day I exercised, I could barely keep my legs in the air for more than a couple of seconds, more less kick them. One of the exercises to today, was one minutes of kicking ab crunches.... And I did the full minute and did not drop my legs once.... but I had to DIG DEEP.

I have a friend who told me that she will job "for" me until I can jog myself. And the moments when she wants to quit, she thinks of people like me who can't even do it yet. So today when I wanted to quit..I thought about all of you. And especially two ladies that I've had some great convo with regarding my journey. Melissa K, and Becky R....this one was for you.

So....what are you going through that you need to DIG DEEPER to get through it? Who or what keeps you holding on? Stay focused.....you can do it.

Much Love, Morgan

Monday, January 11, 2010

2nd Weigh In :)!!!

SO.....technically, I probably wasnt supposed to weigh until tomorrow but Rose put me through hell today with my abs so I wanted some proof this was all working.....so I went to weigh in today...plus i like doing it the first of the week. AND...

I LOST 7 POUNDS!!!!

This doesn't seem like a lot compared to what you see first weeks on the Biggest Loser, but for only working out typically an hour a day and eating right...I'm pretty stinkin STOKED.

AND I did the plank twice for 30 seconds....this is quite an improvement from 10 seconds at the beginning of the week :)

And for those of you waiting for it....(I know I'm a christian and work in a church and all that jazz)....but I'm trying to be real here. She made me cuss one time today..stinkin Jillian Michaels Ab work out...

If I heard..."From the Top" one more time, I might have thrown something at the TV.

Aint No "Valley" Low Enough...

Well...I knew there had to be a day where I was just feeling down in the dumps. It didn't even last a whole day...just about an hour...but man...I felt in the pit. It was proof that this an emotional journey as well as a physical journey.

I had had a relatively good day. Good church service, great meeting that followed. But at some point around 6pm...I just felt Satan gnawing on my emotions....

"What have you done Morgan?"......"Do you really think you can do this?" ....."Did you really just put your weight out there for the entire world to see?"...."Do people really look at you and think..."I can't believe she weighs that much?"...."Who is being critical because of it?"....."Are people that haven't seen you in a long time still gonna treat you the same way the next time you see them?"....."What if you haven't lost any weight this week?"....the list goes on..........and on.......

I was going to get dinner with a couple of my youth last night but that fell through. I was thinking about grilled chicken tenders with buffalo sauce....it was amazing how fixated my mind became on it. And then when I couldn't have it, it almost felt depressing....just another case in point about how emotional and mind gripping the addiction to food is. Someone suggested I call it in, and I immeadiately thought..."No...I can't do that, what if someone sees me pulling up to the chicken shack getting take out? They'll have no idea it's grilled and not fried".....literally..... so i went to subway instead. I haven't eaten a ton of carbs this week, and i was hungry and thought it was still a healthier option....plus I loaded it with veggies, on wheat bread.

But I went home and just cried while I washed dishes. "What if the friends and family who aren't around to be a part of this process with me, don't even recognize me?.. Not physically....but even emotionally. I feel like this is a major change and almost changing me into a different person....not my heart...just my focus and passions, how I deal and relate to things, people.."

I changed my status on facebook, not even looking for a pity party, i literally was just being real about the moment...and i was immediately flooded with responses of encouraging .."you can do it...we love you" messages.

It showed me yet again, what an incredible support system I have. And that I am in the exact and perfect place for me at this point in my life. God is revealing that more everyday. And I have to rest and trust in that right now.

Someone forwarded me a sweet email from a lady in Florida that said she is reading my blog and it is encouraging her. Becky, although I've never met you, thank you for that encouragement. It's reading little emails like yours that give me the extra push I need when I start to feel down. Keep up the good work!

Well...I walked with Ms. Ellen at 7. Rose is about to meet me at the church ....ready to see whats in store today....and then I'm exercising with another group of women at 6.....good times. This is really turning into my own Luverne's Biggest Loser...lol.

Thinking about going to weigh in today.....I'll let you know what I decide.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

EXTREME VACATION IDEA....

If you know me really well, you know that there are 2 vacations I really want to take before I die....
1) Visit the Amish, see how they live, stay with a family and just see firsthand what their way of life is.
2) Go Storm Chasing

And now I have a 3rd....
The Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge.


I realize that none of these are what most would consider a "vacation"..
1. I could live with no electricity and work hard with the amish
2. I could risk my life by getting caught up in a tornado
3. I could seriously work my butt off hours a day...

While I love sitting on a balcony at the beach, or being in a cabin in the woods....there is some adventure in me.

The Biggest Loser Resort is actually where they film the show.
This is a typical schedule while you are there:

Immerse yourself in a variety of indoor fitness classes in our gymnasium and aerobics room with Toning, Circuit Training, Indoor Cycling, Tai Chi, and Yoga. Or take the opportunity to experience an outdoor activity like Water Aerobics, Outdoor Mountain, or Road Cycling.

Sample of our daily schedule:
6:00 am - Open Gym or Class 
7:00 am - Breakfast                    
8:00 am - Hike / Walk
11:30 am - Water Aerobics
12:45 pm - Lunch
1:15 pm - Education Series: Cooking Demo
2:30 pm - Kickboxing
3:30 pm - Circuit Training
4:30 pm - Stretch
5:30 pm - Dinner

6:15 pm - Education Series: Intuitive Eating

*Schedule has seasonal changes
Other Classes during the week may include:
* Total Toning
* Cardio Circuit
* Living Drums
* Step-n-Pump
* Ball Works
* Core Strength
* Treading

Stretch

The cost is not terribly bad for room and board, the program, etc.

1 wk: $1595
4 wks: $5600
Plus the airfaire of course..its in southern Utah.

While I would LOVE to do the 4 week....I know it's probably not realistic...
So....this is my new dream vacation.

I feel like it should be an attainable one. I would like to try and save up enough to put a deposit down on a week and really plan and save

So...for any of you who are "typical gift exchangers" those that I normally exchange birthday and Christmas with.....this is what I want for Christmas and Birthday :) And then YOU will be personally invested in my health...sounds like a good plan, right? HA!

No... seriously...:)

Anyone want to go with me?

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Ain't No Mountain High Enough...

That's how I feel today.....like I can actually do this. I made it through my first REALLY sore day and work out that followed. I woke up in the middle of the night and it literally hurt to turn my head...ha....

But I got up and moving and put my workout clothes on.
The first DVD's we did today I bought at Lifeway Christian Stores for $5 a pieace after Christmas. They came highly recommended...they are:


We did the 1 mile workout, which actually was good. Not boring. She incorporated a lot of arm motions and kicks into. Then we did part of the firm walk. The upper body and lower body.  Then Rose almost made me cuss today...ALMOST...I didn't....there was child in the room. But the name of the exercise is slipping my mind. Basically, I had to go into a girls push-up form, on the knees, but then walk out my arms and put all of my weight on my upper body, with my butt down, and stomach not hitting the floor. I did it 3 times and counted to 10. It looks easy...but when you're holding 338 pounds of weight on your upper body, you want to talk about a serious arm and ab workout!?!?!? WHEW.....

It's so nice to be logging my food and entering my weight and actually seeing how many calories get knocked off my daily food chart by exercising. It's amazing. I'm almost having a hard time eating enough calories with exercise...and today is the FIRST day I haven't felt super hungry. Maybe I'm figuring out the balance of foods and when to eat them:)

I'm headed to Montgomery today to go to Sam's and Walmart and stock up on my health foods. Really excited about this shopping trip actually. And tonight I'm going to hang out with my friend. Probably grab a bite to eat....so I've started looking at menus and trying to pick out AHEAD of time what I'll have.

So...I gotta run for now...but...
food for thought....What obstacles are standing in your way of reaching your goals? The first few hurdles are tough, but I think with every one you jump, they become a little easier...and oddly...more exciting...

Just remember...
"Aint no mountain high enough....Aint no valley low enough...Aint no river wide enough!"

Friday, January 8, 2010

Work Out #1...Shoot me Now... :)

Well....this morning, I was being a little lazy...laying in bed and trying to stay warm. I've been up at the church every night with Upward Basketball, so I was gonna take it slow this morning. Well.....my phone rang....it was Rose...

Rose: "Hey girl...what cha doing?"
Me: "Oh not much of anything yet....just woke up."
Rose: "Well....I'm running a little behind this morning and just getting around to working out so I was thinkin........"
Me: "(Laugh)...Oh...You were thinking were you?"

Fast forward about 20 minutes.....
I arrive at Rose's house to work out. Now, mind you...this is the first "work out" I've done in over a year. Sad huh? I literally have done NO form of exercise in over a year. And I am paying for it.
We did the first session of the Biggest Loser Power Sculpt DVD with weights.


We did the first level, and then went on to do lower body on another Jillian Michaels DVD...don't remember the name of it. There were a few moves I couldn't do, just due to the weight. Rose said she's going to video tape me working out now so I can watch it in the weeks to come and see how far I've come....grrr.
Before I left, Rose hooked me up with lots of nutritonal snacks, fed me a healthy lunch, and sent me home with a healthy dinner.

I have always said I needed a personal trainer but could never afford one, and man did God provide there. Rose, I love you...I'll say it now, because I'm sure there will be days where I'll be swearing at you. lol j/k  (possibly when I wake up tomorrow and can't move).

Can I continue to just tell you how awesome God's provision is on this journey..?

I will be meeting with a doctor next week who specializes in weight loss. I don't have alot of extra cash right now so she is working with me on that. Rose knows her, and she told Rose to go ahead and bring me in next week. I have a packet of info to bring out and will go in next week for body measurements, BMI, blood work...I feel like it's Dr. Z on the Biggest Loser and Rose is my Jillian Michaels. Who knew I'd get that experience in little ol' Luverne, AL? God's timing? I think so.

I'll tell ya...the longer the day goes on...the more I'm hurting...can't imagine what tomorrow will feel like, but I already have a cardio date tomorrow.....nice.

I've never been able to "run" ....I've never really even tried to jog for exercise. I'm sure at my weight now, it would be bad on my knees....however... whenever I have to go to the bathroom, or get water, or make copies...I've started jogging from my office to where ever I have to go....and I CAN do it. And it does motivate me to do more.  One of these days I'm gonna jog the neighborhood. That's a goal of mine.


There are moments like right now...where even though I'm grungy and haven't showered yet...I "Feel" beautiful. Because I feel like I'm moving forward. And I have to always remind myself how my Father God sees me...because I know that there have been and will be days where I feel anything but beautiful.

So I'll leave you with this.... this is from the book, "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?" by Angela Thomas

"Before you were...the moment God first thought of you...when He smiled over the purpose and plans He was making for your life - right then, He fashioned Himself a woman that He fell in love with. A woman of beauty and strength.....

You are beautiful.
You are desired.
You are known. 
You are held.
You are protected.
You are rescued.
You are forgiven.
You are pursued.
You are seen.
You are precious.
You are My princess.
You are My beautiful bride.

This is the heart of God for you. These are the truths of Scripture written about you and me, and therefore, my friend, they are so."


That's all for now, my BEAUTIFUL friends. Love you. Morgan

Thursday, January 7, 2010

God Moments..

Well, I had planned on blogging today about people pleasing...and I think I will at some point in the days to come, but around lunch time today, God sent a total surprise and blessing my way. My friend Rose, a member of the church I work at, came in my office and said, "Do you want to go to lunch with me and Robyn?"

Wow!!! "YES!" (You see...invitations like this have been few and far between so far...I was estatic).

** On a side note, I really admire Rose and how dedicated she is to improving her health and she had just sent me a great note regarding my blog. And will probably kill me for making a big deal about this. Sorry Rose ;)

Once at lunch, she and I split Grilled Shrimp Skewers and Green Beans. Prior to the start of this journey, I would have devoured both of our servings, but when its all that was on the plate..I ate it, and I was FULL. And I drank 2 glasses of water.  After we left there, she took me to the grocery store, and we spent 45 minutes walking the aisles, reading labels, and talking about healthy choices you can make. It was VERY educational and I really greatly appreciated someone taking the time to do this with me.

Upon returning to the church she showed me a website. www.livestrong.com  
We all know this in relationship to Lance Armstrong, but it is a website where you can track EVERYTHING...your meals, water intake, exercise...its phenomenal. And I THINK I can make my profile on it public so that everyone can see my charts and progress, accountability to meals, etc. I'm totally stoked.

Rose even told me she'd have my "healthy dinner" ready for me when I got off of work.

I do appreciate the kindness of Rose, but I'm not trying to praise just the person...I'm trying to make much of the ACTION.

Our journey in life, no matter how big or how small, is usually easier when other people come along side of us and support and encourage us. I know I say it every day, but I am BLOWN AWAY by the responses I've gotten from people who are going through all kinds of things in their life, but were encouraged by my journey.

I am humbled. And I am really starting to see this as something much bigger than me, and much bigger than my weight loss. I really want to be used to support other people in their journey and if this is the avenue by which it happens, so be it.

I have sent some of you an email requesting that you send the link to this blog out to our friends, family, and co-workers. Not because it's about me, but because it's about what God is doing in my life, something I could never do on my own. And somehow reading the struggles of a stranger can make us feel like we're not alone.

And as I was reminded AGAIN today...I am not alone....and YOU are NOT alone.
Thank you for walking WITH me..it sure does make the load lighter.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

How to Comment on Blogs

I've gotten alot of messages and emails from people saying that they tried to leave a comment but weren't able to.

It's very simple:
Just click on Create a blog or Sign in  (located on the top right corner of the screen.

Just create a user name and password and it will allow you to comment.
You don't actually have to have a blog.

Just wanted to clarify for anyone who was confused.

Thanks!
Morgan

Letting Go and Being Thankful

Good morning! I just want to start off today by thanking Quaker's Oatmeal for making a delicious, filling breakfast of only 2 weight watchers points per pack! It was the most satisfying breakfast so far! Today I'm trying to do the "Less is More" approach. Eating smaller meals through out the day so that I'm not ravenous by dinnertime...like yesterday.


I tell ya, I have never felt more encouraged and free then I do right now. The first part of that was being open...the second part of that is letting go. I've been thinking and praying alot last night about forgiveness. I've never really held on to anger or hurt, but just in case a little remains, I've decided to forgive and forget all the hurtful arrows I've targeted over my lifetime as a result of my size. So....not that any of you who really hurt me will ever read this...or maybe you are reading it and you never said anything to my face but have behind my back....I just want you to know, "I forgive you." You may not have, or may never know the power of words and how they can be used to tear down. I know there were many a day I kept saying to myself, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" or "I'm the rubber you're the glue what bounces off of me sticks to you." But the truth is....words do hurt...incredibly. Even as adults we have the capability to tear down with our words...to our friends, spouse, children, co-workers. I challenge everyone to consider the power of your words today.


BUT....words also have the power to breathe life. I have been blessed to receive the breaths of life from many people over my lifetime. To name them all would be ridiculous...but suffice it to say..if you can call me your friend...you are one of those people. The other thing I have been thinking about is how sometimes ACTIONS speak louder than words.


It's no secret that I was boy crazy growing up. While we are in the honesty kick, let me just admit that many of my jr. high and high school friends have a joke about..."Did you ever get a letter from Morgan?" There are days when I want to slap each and every one of these people that never let it die....but the reality is...I did write some letters....alot of letters..Ha!. And they were all written from an encouraging stand point, but with a glimmer of hope that one of them MIGHT like me. I can look back now and see I was looking for validation, for acceptance. All the other girls had boyfriends, I didn't have mine til my Jr. or Sr. year of high school. (Thank you T.F. for looking past what you saw and finally making that dream of being accepted happen...and congrats on your engagement! You deserve the best my friend!)


But it hit me this morning..........almost every single one of those guys ended up being a date of mine to a high school dance. Being in youth ministry and looking at high school students now....I can think of a handful of young men who would sacrifice their reputation to be the date of the largest girl in the school to a high school dance. And ya know what? I had ALOT of fun at them. And those guys are still my friends to this day. So let me get sappy for a moment and personally thank: Donald, Jason, John, Richie, Chad, David, Kevin, Shane, & Tommy. (If I'm leaving anyone out, I truly apologize.)   You are all stand up guys. I will forever be so thankful for the role you have played in my life. I hear countless stories of overweight women who say...they never went to a dance or had a date or any of that...and I'm so thankful...that I can say...I went to every single one..and had a blast.


And lastly, I have to forgive myself. There are so many days that I think back and have some regret about "never being able to know what it was like to do this or that." and frankly, I have to forgive myself for not believing in myself back then. Only I held what was necessary for me to make a change. No amount of letters, or dances, or anything else could really give me what I needed. I looked to everyone else to tell me who I was....and no matter how much of a Bible Thumper I was back in those days....I never sought my validation in Christ.


I can honestly say I never used my weight as and EXCUSE for anything. I danced in the show choir, I ran for student body president. I held an office in more school clubs than you can count. And I do believe I owe that in large part to my parents and to my youth minister Marty. They always told me I could do anything, and always supported me. And that's the song I sing to everyone I meet now....
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO.


So....where are you on your journey? We're all on one..it doesn't have to be weight loss. Maybe you are on a journey of forgiveness of yourself or someone else. Maybe you're trying to find hope. Maybe your on a journey in a struggling relationship or marriage.  Maybe it's a spiritual journey. Whatever that journey may be, I'm here to tell you that your words are powerful.....to others and TO YOURSELF. I truly believe that one of the BIGGEST weapons of the enemy are words. DO NOT believe the lies. YOU ARE WONDERFULLY MADE. YOU ARE LOVED...and as so many special people have reminded me.....YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Drumroll ....................The First Weigh In

Ok...let me start off by saying.....this is hard......this is REALLY hard. I thought I'd be all amped up about posting my starting weight and the progress I've made, but when doing that became a reality...I've stalled. The past 2 hours I've been waiting to gain the gumption to make the post.......

I went to the Dr. Walker's office (I love them by the way)...and that is where I will go once a week to do my weigh in. I stepped on the scale and she started it at 250...I said..."I promise you it's in the 300's"...she almost seemed hesitant...but the scale told the truth.......
And the final weight was.....(Deep Breath)....338....338....338...338...338....

It took a little time to get comfortable with saying that. 

Hello World I am 28 years old and I weigh 338 pounds.
Admitting it is the first step right? (This whole typing thing is therapeutic.)

After Sandy verified it, I said, "Thank You," and hit the door....slightly embarassed. I could feel tears starting to brim my eyes, but then I thought..."No....you can't be upset, because you are now working backwards. This is just the beginning." 

So, I left there and went to Piggly Wiggly to pick up my food for the day. I've decided that tonight I'm cleaning out my fridge and pantry...and donating all of the non healthy stuff to a food bank. It is food and useful, but not for me. Part of the key is not to have it easily accessible. I need to re-stock my fridge with fresh and healthy foods.  As I pulled up to the front of the grocery store...I had to laugh. Anyone who thinks God doesn't have a sense of humor is crazy. Parked in front of the store there was.. not one, but THREE ice cream trucks (Bluebell, Edy's, Mayfield, and a sara lee truck)...I thought....well...nothing like in your face
temptation..but I walked out with ALL healthy foods.

Someone asked me about a plan...Im working on that. At this point I'm trying to get comfortable with a total change of lifestyle. When I left the church at close to 10pm last night, all I could think of was..."I really want to go to McDonalds and get a Mushroom/Swiss Burger.".....But I went home and ate some tuna fish instead. This is just as much an emotional and spiritual disorder as it is an eating disorder. I am literally having to re-program my thoughts. I will be typing out a plan in the days to come. I recently thought about joining a local weight watchers group here in town...but the more I think about it, I think I'm not going to....for one its $100 up front, which is hard when money is tight.... But more than that, I've always thought.."Well if I just had a trainer, or if I could just join weight watchers...or if I could just go on the biggest loser.......THEN I'd lose weight." I really feel led to try and do this with out the excuses. I have a weight watchers book from a long time ago, so I will be utilizing the points (which ANY of you can do. You can buy the point books on Ebay for next to nothing...maybe not 2010, but old ones)..but the meetings are really about the weigh in's and support, and I feel like I have that.



Also..Thank you, Thank You, Thank You...for the support and encouragement. There are some people who haven't been able to post comments here and have emailed me...  I have had at least 25-30 comments/emails since my first post. I am going to print them all out and keep a binder of encouragement for the hard days. Just knowing that so many people are reading is such an accountability to me. 


I hope that in time, this blog will reach the computer screens of strangers, who much like me, just needed a little blunt honesty, motivation, and encouragement. If someone else gets the motivation they need to start changing their life by reading my transparency.....then that is the goal....if that is YOU, and you need a personal push...email me and I will gladly give it to you.


I am going to be doing some polls, product reviews on the meals and exercise videos, recipes, etc....for that reason...if you are unable to post on this blog, but want to contribute or contact me regarding anything you see on here, I've set up an email address : pleasinglyplumpdiaries@gmail.com


Well..I hear the microwave dinging....I've gotten lots of recommendations on the Lean Cuisine, broccoli, cheddar potatoes.....Can't wait to try them.


Love to all of you out there.
Morgan





 

Monday, January 4, 2010

Everyone's gotta start .... I'm starting today.

Well, hello....Thanks for stopping by. This all feels a little awkward to me...to let people in on a very personal struggle and journey of mine. However....I'm learning the value of transparency and authenticity more and more everyday. People have recently shared their struggles and victories with me and it has challenged me and encouraged me in my life to know that I'm not alone.

So why "The Pleasingly Plump Diaries...?".....

I was recently at my moms house during Christmas and I came across a box of old pictures.
And let me tell you...something seriously happened between the ages of about 6 and 8...as in, I went from this adorable small little girl to looking like I had swallowed a small little girl. lol.. And that little girl has continued to grow...and grow.. I literally never remember being thin. I remember being in 3rd grade and my dad brought me home this pretty dress and my parents were so excited that a size 16 fit.....a size 16....third grade people. I'd give anything though to go back to those days..  I digress....  My grandfather (Papa), used to always say very matter of factly ..."You're not fat....you're Pleasingly Plump." It brought me a little comfort back then. And it stayed in the back of my head all through my school years when I was last to be picked for sports teams, walking the laps while everyone else ran, when those incredibly rude people would moo as they walked by...and as weird as it sounds..I think I'm better in some ways for it. I have a super sensitivity to hurting people and have such a heart for anyone who feels less than they should about who they are.

A few months ago after posting that I wanted to audition for the biggest loser on facebook, a dear friend of mine sent me the following email.."so here it goes....I'll only be emphatic this one time, and promise to never bug you about it again. You have TOO much life, too much spunk, too much to give to this world not to give yourself the gift of caring for YOU for a change. You run yourself ragged with your job, trying to be an amazing wife, trying to follow God's will, all to the tune of not enough sleep, I'm sure little time for exercise, and a stress level probably on par with Obama's :)

You have ALWAYS done this, always put others before yourself to the detriment of yourself, and its not helping ANYONE! You deserve an experience like this like no one else I know because you shine your light like no one else I know. So...I REALLY think you could have an awesome chance of being a contestant bc


-You have an awesome personality which is fun and spunky and adventurous

-You are a total hottie

-You have the drive to see it to the end

-You are loved by SO many people

-You are a total hottie, nuff said

So there's my soapbox, now I will step off. I triple dog dare you to try out.

Love you!"


So I told her I'd audition...and last time I checked..they hadn't posted the dates yet, but in the meantime...I decided that maybe I don't need a reality show (although it would be awesome and if any of you care to contact the Biggest Loser and let them know just how awesome that would be... go ahead) lol
Maybe I need to just be the average girl who struggles with her weight and wakes up one day and decides to do something about it...slowly but surely a day at a time.

It's hard for me to be honest and transparent, because I know that by divulging information honestly about my weight, I invite the critics and the naysayers...however...I believe in myself, and I AM going to do this...and I NEED the accountability of all of you.

So...stay tuned for the weigh in.... Sickingly, I know that I've made a dent into the 300's...I just don't know how far. Thanks for following me, supporting me, and loving me through the "pleasingly plump" years!