Well...I knew there had to be a day where I was just feeling down in the dumps. It didn't even last a whole day...just about an hour...but man...I felt in the pit. It was proof that this an emotional journey as well as a physical journey.
I had had a relatively good day. Good church service, great meeting that followed. But at some point around 6pm...I just felt Satan gnawing on my emotions....
"What have you done Morgan?"......"Do you really think you can do this?" ....."Did you really just put your weight out there for the entire world to see?"...."Do people really look at you and think..."I can't believe she weighs that much?"...."Who is being critical because of it?"....."Are people that haven't seen you in a long time still gonna treat you the same way the next time you see them?"....."What if you haven't lost any weight this week?"....the list goes on..........and on.......
I was going to get dinner with a couple of my youth last night but that fell through. I was thinking about grilled chicken tenders with buffalo sauce....it was amazing how fixated my mind became on it. And then when I couldn't have it, it almost felt depressing....just another case in point about how emotional and mind gripping the addiction to food is. Someone suggested I call it in, and I immeadiately thought..."No...I can't do that, what if someone sees me pulling up to the chicken shack getting take out? They'll have no idea it's grilled and not fried".....literally..... so i went to subway instead. I haven't eaten a ton of carbs this week, and i was hungry and thought it was still a healthier option....plus I loaded it with veggies, on wheat bread.
But I went home and just cried while I washed dishes. "What if the friends and family who aren't around to be a part of this process with me, don't even recognize me?.. Not physically....but even emotionally. I feel like this is a major change and almost changing me into a different person....not my heart...just my focus and passions, how I deal and relate to things, people.."
I changed my status on facebook, not even looking for a pity party, i literally was just being real about the moment...and i was immediately flooded with responses of encouraging .."you can do it...we love you" messages.
It showed me yet again, what an incredible support system I have. And that I am in the exact and perfect place for me at this point in my life. God is revealing that more everyday. And I have to rest and trust in that right now.
Someone forwarded me a sweet email from a lady in Florida that said she is reading my blog and it is encouraging her. Becky, although I've never met you, thank you for that encouragement. It's reading little emails like yours that give me the extra push I need when I start to feel down. Keep up the good work!
Well...I walked with Ms. Ellen at 7. Rose is about to meet me at the church ....ready to see whats in store today....and then I'm exercising with another group of women at 6.....good times. This is really turning into my own Luverne's Biggest Loser...lol.
Thinking about going to weigh in today.....I'll let you know what I decide.
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2 comments:
Keep. It. Up. and Kick. Satan. In. The. TOOSH. :) He wants you to fail, and the body of Christ wants you to succeed. The End. :)
Morgan, I cannot tell you enough how proud I am of you! I guess it's the mom in me coming out! Keep it up! Hang in there! You are such an inspiration!
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